Indian Military applying for Pak citizenship?

This is a rare gem I was sent over an email recently ! An eye-opener for all of us....

Whaddaya say, gentlemen! - Ejaz Haider

What does the Indian military get for all the good work it does: unabashed scrutiny from the media and the people? The only solution I see is to ask the Indian military to apply for Pakistani citizenship en bloc

I have an offer for the Indian armed forces. They should apply for Pakistani citizenship en bloc. If anyone thinks I am being facetious, please read on.

The other day, fellow columnist Shaukat Qadir began with a doggerel normally attributed to a 17th-century English poet Francis Quarles but which, in the process of making its way to various soldiers' diaries (I first read it in my father's field office), has undergone several syntactical changes. It speaks of how people adore God and the soldier in times of crisis but when things get righted, God's forgotten and the soldier slighted.

Kipling's 1892 poem Tommy is more or less along the same lines (O it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy go away"; / But it's "Thank you, Mister Atkins," when the band begins to play-).

While God doesn't seem too concerned about being forgotten, at least He makes no mention of it to the media through His spokespersons, the soldier in some countries, ours being one such, is quite sensitive to being slighted. And why not? After all, it is the soldier who keeps vigil so we can all sleep peacefully. Which is why I agree with the spirit of Chaudhry Sahib's suggestion that the ungrateful civilians be summarily executed for denigrating the armed forces.

Now, while we have such respect for the armed forces, what does the Indian military get for all the good work it does: unabashed scrutiny from the media and the people? So poorly placed are the Indian generals that the army chief has to seek an appointment from the defence secretary and is actually answerable to the defence minister. Goodness gracious... try this one here!

The general who led the Indian army during Kargil, an infantry officer, now plays golf somewhere near Chandigarh; then came another one, a gunner, who led the army during the 2001-2002 standoff and is since gone, heaven knows where; he was followed by another infantry officer; he too has faded away. The incumbent, a Sikh from a Maratha regiment, was born in Bahawalpur. His family migrated to Patiala after Partition. If only they had stayed put. He took over in Jan 2005 so by Jan 2008 should be saying goodbye to a long career.

Here's the simple equation: General Musharraf of Pakistan = Gen VP Malik+General S Padmanabhan+Gen NC Vij+Gen [incumbent] JJ Singh. That's one Pakistani chief to four Indian chiefs. Not just that, the Pakistani chief is also the president of this country, thank you ladies and gentlemen!

As president he is supreme commander of the armed forces, including himself. This means he can, as president, give himself extensions as army chief. And since he can do that, why shouldn't he? Who wouldn't do what he could? Those who consider this as an aberration need to get their heads checked.

But my concern is with the Indian armed forces. The media pick up all sorts of funny stories about the soldiers and put them down almost everyday. Generals asking for bottles of Black Label are put on spy-cams (what should they ask for, Blue Label?); officers lying to get bravery medals are splashed on the front pages (what's the big deal about a bit of drama on the Soltoro or any of the other boondocks where India throws its soldiers so the civilians can sleep); newspapers smell out stories of rape and rubbish the army (this should not happen but what's the point of making it public); soldiers having unprotected sex in places like the northeast are talked about - in fact, the ministry of defence itself releases figures on AIDS/HIV-infected army personnel (c'mon, first they send them to all the weird places and then they expect them to live like catholic priests).

My point is: what the hell is wrong with these Indians? Do they have no respect for the men in uniform who guard the nation while it sleeps and some of who can cross the line under pressure? Do they not realise how important image is and what it means to bring the armed forces into disrepute?

I am completely disappointed. The only solution I see, and this is where my offer comes in, is to give the Indian military Pakistani citizenship. This will have many advantages.

Overnight, the Indian (now Pakistani) soldiers will see the difference. They will now be serving, and by dint of that lording over, a nation that really respects its soldiers. They shall have their own chief as the president of the country and believe me that makes a helluva difference.

We also believe in stability and consistency. No more of this three-year rotation at the top. We promise a seven- to eleven-year tenure for whoever can make it to the top. Those who can't make it to the ring contour shall also be adjusted nicely after they doff uniform. They can choose from a variety of top jobs for which the civilians traditionally have no capacity ... the list is long and ranges from the agri sector to strategic use of nuclear weapons and everything in between.

If nothing else, we could increase the number of universities and have more vice chancellors from among the retired generals. Just so the Indian armed forces know this is no joke, my suggestion is that we make offers to the last three retired army chiefs and promise a lucrative position to Gen JJ upon his retirement. With the Higher Education Commission coming up with several universities, blessed they be, the three gentlemen could easily be adjusted. This would signal to the Indian army that we mean business.

In any case, before Partition, it was all the Indian Army. Now, it can all be Pakistan Army. How about it gentlemen; any takers?

Ejaz Haider is Consulting Editor of The Friday Times and Op-Ed Editor of Daily Times. He can be reached at sapper@dailytimes.com.


To corroborate the same take a look at this article...sigh !