Bye Bye Nanu....

I have been away from my blog for a very long time....a sad time. I lost a very dear friend....my father-in-law.

We shared a very good bond and to reminisce over those wonderful moments, I have penned an ode to him.....Nanu...as we all lovingly addressed him.

May Waheguru grant eternal peace to his soul ! Amen.

Bye Bye Nanu

On the 21st day of August this year, deep in his sleep,   my father-in-law left this world just as he arrived into it...peaceful. Concerned friends and relatives, dutifully tried to console me. I was inconsolable because my mindless heart could not stop crying. I was unduly brave because my heartless mind refused to let me grieve and cause pain to all my relatives around me. Collecting his ashes, my mind refused to accept that the man who was an inspiration to me for more than 18 years was now no more with us…..! Carrying his ashes in the front seat of the car, I watched with disbelief as he embarked on his final journey. Spreading his ashes in the River Yamuna and watching him on his final journey was even more difficult since those were the only mortal remains that were left of Sardar Mahender Pal Singhji. (As an innocent request, my son (10 years old), wanted us to get a small urn of ashes, but customs of our society prevented it from happening.) Some said it was an auspicious day to die and that it was good for him that he suffered no more. How can any day be a good day to lose someone you love so much, I ask ? Brilliant, hardworking, witty, simple and charming, my father-in-law, Sardar Mahender Pal Singhji (1939 -2014) was an extraordinary man, fighter and a teacher. Even in his passing on from this world he continued to provide valuable lessons to all around him. People who were related to him and even those who had been with for a few days. His life is full of stories of people he helped get a job and become bread-winners for the family. He was always a ‘giver’ never a ‘taker’. From his humble beginnings, thanks to his hard-work, sincerity and the Almighty’s blessings, he carved a very comfortable world for his loved ones. His three daughters were always his most precious assets. He taught them the rough and tough of life and how to face every situation with a determined smile on the faces. His best friend and companion, my mother-in-law, (Nani as we fondly call her) is the toughest woman I know ! She has been with there with Nanu through thick and thin. She brought up the children in the best possible way, while Nanu worked hard focusing on his job. They travelled the world and always had their children uppermost in their minds. She has been his strength and secret to success and now it is our privilege to give her what she has given all of us…our time, support and understanding. Nanu (as we all fondly called him, young or old) had a life which was akin to a very long roller coaster ride, achieving great heights and many precipitous falls. Yet the spirit of such people always remains strong. They are warriors fighting against great odds and overcoming challenges. 'Never give up', was his motto. Having been denied his due in his service, he fought valiantly over a decade and his hard-work paid off when he won the case against the Govt of India and was restored his honour and due ! Yet when this life's journey's end is near, the good soul knows when to give in to His will. Nanu had been bidding farewell gently, from the past eight years. Multiple myeloma was dimming his medical parameters but not his will to fight.  The last decade saw him fighting the dreaded disease and its effects in different forms. Inspite of undergoing so much agony and pain, he was ever-smiling and had a solution for every problem that anyone faced around him. He continued giving even when the pain grew and each day became more difficult than the previous. His strength and stamina, till the very last day were awe-inspiring.

We spent many evenings together and I learnt much by being with him. The past 18 years I had the pleasure being close to him, I learned some very valuable lessons in life. He was more than a father-in-law, he was like a friend and guide to me. Personal finance, pitfalls of a Govt job, how to handle official issues and more, he was ALWAYS there to ensure that all my problems vanished in just one meeting or over a phone-call. I will miss his “all the best” calls before an important presentation of mine, his “all will be well” sermons that soothed my nerves whenever I was facing a tough situation. He always showered affection and it was a pleasure when he used to visit us in our new station of posting. He used to enjoy the Army cantonments, as the greenery reminded him of his younger days and he used to love nature. He used to explain my children about the plants, trees, herbs and birds. He knew so much and there was always a smile when he was in touch with nature. To my children, he was the Super Engineer! There was not a device in the world that he could not repair…..my son watched him use his precious ‘tools’ in awe and and make everything unworkable……WORK again ! It was hard to see him suffer in the hospital in the last few months. Pipes, tubes, dialysis, numerous medicines, choked voice and weakening body, was a sight I was just not prepared for. I tried making him smile and he did, like always, making my jokes always seem funny. But when he occasionally opened his eyes and looked at me, I could see them telling me, that “Inder this battle seems to be the toughest yet for me”. He wanted to live on, see his children and grandchildren grow and prosper, yet Waheguru had other plans for him. Before leaving back for duty, I got an opportunity to express my feelings to him, thanked him for all that he did for me as a friend, philosopher and guide. Kissed his forehead, touched his feet and reluctantly left….Army life is as such…doesn’t allow you time with your loved ones when you need it. I still remember him lying there with a peaceful look on his face and saying bye bye Inder…. His life has been a lesson and I want to share this learning with you. He never wanted anything for himself, the man lived a Saint’s life! He had more than plenty, yet wanted nothing but the simplest pen, smallest car and the simplest of wearables, just so that his children could be comfortable. He had no ego and that is why I call him a Saint more than a mere human being. In spite of having much to be sad, angry and resentful about, Nanu’s heart was surprisingly at peace. Filled with humility, love and compassion he kept blessing one and all wishing them well and asking for forgiveness for any hurt he may have caused. Nanu meditated and prayed a lot and God answered his prayers by taking away all anger, ego and greed from him. It was a blessing, for Nanu stopped judging people and events. He saw only goodness and wonder in everyone and everything.

Failings Nanu had few, drive and intelligence he had plenty. Kindness and compassion he possessed beyond belief. Nanu was an enigma. Come to think of it, most children can never understand their parents. All that lucky children can get, is the opportunity to appreciate and take advantage of the bounty of love and learning that they get showered with by their parents. The soul always knows what is right, but rarely do we listen to it, because the mind will not be still. This is what prayer and then mediation is all about, the ability to listen to the soul. Therefore the search for truth and understanding is never an outward journey but an inward journey. A journey to the core of our existence which is possible only by meditating. The soul is like a Hans (Swan) which wants to soar to the heavens and reunite with God but it is shackled to this material world by our lust, greed, attachments, anger and ego. God has been kind to my father in the past several years by unshackling him almost completely from all these normal human traits. I pray that Waheguru will receive and accept my father-in-law Sardar Mahender Pal Singh ji and grant his soul eternal peace. With a loving Sat Sri Akal -Inder